02.26.24
I sit on a bench overlooking the Hudson River in Fort Tryon Park and close my book about writing, objectively one of the most embarrassing things you could possibly choose to read in public. I am entering my second week of unemployment, I babysat this morning, and I have a show tomorrow.
I have been babysitting in the mornings, and I am more grateful for that now. I picked up the job because my Actual Job had me fully remote, working alone in my apartment where I live alone, and I never saw other people. As the depressive symptoms bubbled over to such a degree that my mother got involved, we decided I needed a reason to leave the house more, a reason to get up at a reasonable time and get dressed each day, and perused Care.com. I am not often highly functional when I am left to my own devices. I crave structure, and consequences, and expectations. I am not a free spirit, I have a color-coded day planner.
I babysat this morning and the twin babies are teething so they are fussy. The toddler is demanding, the dad curses around the kids more than I would maybe advise but whatever I’m not in charge, it’s early and I slept terribly last night, but I am thrilled to not be in my apartment.
In my first week of unemployment, the mom, who works in a school, was off work, so they didn’t need me. And, despite my attendance at all of my planned out-of-apartment activities, I melted idly into my couch while Peacock showed me my requested never-ending cycle of Top Chef. I am crumbling (I nearly said slowly but I actually think it’s been quite efficient) under the pressure of unemployment. Everyone tells me that I will land on my feet and that when they got laid off it actually ended up being the best thing that ever happened to them, and I’m sure that that’s true and that one day I will look back on this time and think it was actually good that I was laid off. I wanted to quit anyways. Now I have some time to focus on my creative projects and better orient myself for a career that will make me happier long term. I have three months worth of severance to figure things out. I have said it all, recited it really, for everyone who has had the misfortune of making eye contact with me in the last two weeks. But three months is actually a very short amount of time, and I have no idea what the road ahead even looks like, let alone what it will be like. I am in the market for a whole life change — I am looking to completely switch industries/professions. I’m open to going back to school, I’m open to working a completely different schedule. But the possibilities are intimidating in their vastness, and I have historically just stumbled from one natural career/life move to the next. I’m not much a strong decision maker, effector of change, when it comes to my own life and how I navigate it. I am not good with change, so I don’t often impose it on myself if I don’t have to, and I am especially not good with having change sprung on me. I knew the company was making substantial staff cuts, but I thought there was no way in Hell I made enough money to get laid off. I wanted to quit, but I don’t appreciate having my hand forced. I wanted to have a job while I looked for another. I will navigate the alternative because I have to.
But this morning, my alarm went off at 6am after I had slept for maybe two hours, and I had somewhere to be. I put on the ugliest outfit you can imagine, put my Mets hat over my unwashed hair, and took the 1 train down to 145th Street and I dressed, fed, and carted a menagerie of three New York City-born boys to daycare.
When I got home, I had a package from Lids. I ordered one of the Mets hats with the flowers embroidered on the logo (because I am a LADY) and swapped out the sweaty one on my head for the new one. I walked to Staples to print things for the show tomorrow and I didn’t even have to wear a coat. I wrote some thank you notes and picked up groceries I need to make thank you cookie packages (a precedent I am setting for myself with this show — gifts in the form of home-baked cookies from me for all performers and backstage hands — that I may regret later on). I’ve walked over 11,000 steps, culminating in my sitting on a bench overlooking the Hudson River in Fort Tryon Park, humiliatingly reading a book about writing (like, get over yourself), and writing a blog on my phone for the first time in a month.
Anyways, come to my show tomorrow:
APARTMENTVILLE: A HOMEMADE VARIETY SHOW!
Former roommates and current friends Emma Grace Myers and Kyle Bokert helm an all-new live experience bridging the gap between a lowkey house show and a more polished vaudevillian evening. Apartmentville is packed with music, comedy, and more -- join us for a full live band, big laughs, and great hangs. Featuring: Aakash Kesavarapu, Sloan Brettholtz, Dorian Debose, Wil Kauffman, the Apartmentville Band, and musical guest Donnie!
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 27TH AT 9:30PM! FREE!
Young Ethel's
506 5th Avenue, Brooklyn
